ADCC Barcelona 26th & 27th September

ADCC Barcelona

ADCC this weekend and probably the most stacked tourney so far, only really Romalo Barral & Roger Gracie missing from the world's best.

Follow the link & make your picks, see if you agree.

Men’s -67.9 kg Having to make 2 choices as I just can’t split Cobrinha and Mendes
Men’s -76.9kg Marcelo
Men’s -87.9kg Braulio
Men’s -98.9kg Xande
Men’s +99kg 'Cyborg'
Men's absolute tbc

Superfight Drysdale

Women’s -60kg Megumi Fuji
Women’s +60kg Penny Thomas
Women's absolute Lana Stefanac

Mainly obvious choices but a couple of outsiders.

Going to be an awesome tournament.

Check out the fighters on the web site, some great coverage of them on there.

New belts @ Combat Base Sept 2009

Congrats to 4 very well deserved new belts at our gym.

Ian “Mongoose” Jones promoted to purple belt
Wayne Murrie promoted to blue belt
Gaz Vause promoted to blue belt
Paul Keegans promoted to blue belt.

Disorder in the American Courts

Things people actually said in USA courts, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
....................................................

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
...................................................

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
....................................................

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
....................................................

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
....................................................

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
....................................................

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
...................................................

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
...................................................

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
....................................................

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
...................................................

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
....................................................

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
....................................................

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

MENSA Test

As you will never be as handsome as me, see if you are as smart as me. Finish the 5 questions below in 10 minutes or less.


1. Which 3-letter word can you add to the words below to make 4 new words?

• Doctor
• Alien
• Carbon
• Fabric

2. Find the number.

• RM = 5
• XK = 13
• JC = 7
• SP = ?

3. What do the following words have in common?

• Yarn
• Hurt
• Lone
• Army

4. What is the missing number?
3 7 13 27 53 ? 213



5. Ben has 4 dogs, 8 hamsters and 7 rabbits. How many horses do he have?

USA 2009

Its been a couple of years since my good lady and I trained in the USA what with one thing and another so to say we were excited about going to train at Chris Haueter's new school in San Pedro was an understatement. Especially for the open mat whic has loads of people turn up to train.

Friday morning was no exception, over 20 guys mainly black belts, browns and purples turn up at 10:00am for the open mat. Yes, 10:00 on a Friday morning attracts over 20 quality guys. I have seen less than that at seminars, doesn't anyone have to work!!

Knowing it was going to be a tough session we had to be in shape so took some time to go to Venice "Muscle" Beach to get in some good training. Seeing a HUGE ripped guy that couldn't lift any of the big weights deterred me from the weights area and onto the gymnastics section instead. I was never that good at chemistry anyway.

Now we were pumped it was time for the open mat. It was already over 90 degrees F by 10:00am which is pleasant to sit in but horrendous to train in especially for Helen being a Scot, a few generations ago they were running around barefoot in the Highlands.

I had tried to warn her of the oppressive heat after my trip to Johannesburg when they opened the gym windows and it actually got warmer, at least San Pedro is a little, and I mean little, bit cooler than Jozi.

The level of the guys there was awesome, yet everyone still had time for everyone else, a true laboratory for learning, everyone bringing something different to the table. Guess I'm just not used to training with a room full of black and brown belts.

Helen was especially impressed that all the people there actually rolled with her instead of trying to overpower and outstrength her just to tap out a black belt, that they understood the concept of TRAINING. What victory is there in a 200lb guy outstrengthing a 110lb woman just to get a submission? Or just ragging something on for the same reason. If you can't do something against someone your own size, don't do it. She doesn't always get that luxury over here.

You know who you are so stop it!!

So 2 1/2 hours and 3 litres of water later, the session ended, we managed to exchange details with new friends who are hoping to make a visit to the UK as well as catching up with old ones. Had not seen Chance Wanlass since 1999 when he visited the UK as a purple belt but he informed me that California tradition dictates that Haueter should buy me a steak as he had just given me my new belt. I decide to find the nearest eating establishment to see if this tradition is true, it's not :0(

Refuelled and rehydrated we jump into the Combat Base-mobile and head out to Redondo Beach again, the scene of some ridiculous cardio training, for some body boarding and general down time. Never was a beautiful place more brutal, Haueter says he does the cardio training for all his tournaments right here, it's amazing what you can do with a slope, a bunch of steps and a lot of sand.

Goes without saying that we had an awesome time training with everyone and can't wait to get back.

Might put all training fees up to raise some trip money!

The African Adventure

I had read prior to my trip that the kind South Africans anticipated me being homesick so duly obliged with reminders of home; an apartment block called Ponte City and the Kaiser Chiefs in Johannesburg whilst Durban hosts the Currie Cup and is even twinned with Leeds.

Day 1, 3pm, London

Following a smooth, traffic free drive down to Heathrow, some awful yet expensive service station food, a quick farewell to Helen and a successful negotiation of the Krusty Kreme stand, I started in my quest to track down my coach and travel companion, the elusive Mr Chris Haueter. He had just returned from taking gold at the Pan Ams so I figured that I would hang out with him and get some reflected glory, success by association. Unfortunately no one recognised him, damn minority sports.

I checked in without getting stopped and searched for the first time ever then spent the next hour trying to find Chris. He wasn't answering his phone and wasn't returning email so I would have to do this the old fashioned way; walking and looking.

I spotted what looked like an old tramp lying across 3 seats sleeping soundly and upon further investigating turned out to be Haueter; I left him to his much needed beauty sleep and went to grab a coffee.

After killing another hour or so, we boarded the plane and settled down for an 11 hour flight. I got a great window seat next to a guy that didn't fit my racial profile of being a terrorist so my journey was going to be effortless.

Once in the air I went to check Haueter's whereabouts and found him sandwiched in his seat by his 150kg flight mate, the guy was so big that he spilled into Chris's seat so much that they couldn't put the arm rest down properly. His flight was going to be hell, quality.

South Africa Day 2

Day 2, 8:30am, Johannesburg

Arrived at O.R. Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg (aka Joburg and Jozi) the largest and busiest airport in Africa, sampled some of the local cuisine then headed over to check in for the last leg of the journey to Durban.

We were flying Mango Airlines who have bright orange coloured 'planes, I wondered if it was to make it easier for the crash investigators to spot them, at this point I couldn't have cared less as it would mean an end to 26 hours of travelling and waiting.

As soon as we departed the 'plane at Durban, the increase in temperature was ridiculous, I knew right away that training in this heat was going to be a test in itself, at least it was all no gi.

Our host for the trip, Morne Swanepoel, met us and whisked us away in his 'bakkie' which was proper 'lekker'. A brief stop at his place to quickly dump our stuff then immediately down to the beach for a rejuvenating swim in the ocean with it's subtropical climate. Perfect.

All too soon it was time for our first training session. A short drive delivered us to the Muscle and Fitness Gym in Pinetown, the headquarters for Morne's Association, where we entered the gym to a heat that I was just not used to, anyone who has trained at our gym knows that heat is not usually a problem; this atmosphere was even hotter than training in LA which is saying something.

Thankfully we didn't do an intense warm up otherwise that may have been my demise right there and then. We progressively worked through side control drills and escapes which linked nicely into the ½ guard section that I would teach. The first workshop was completed with rolling as always and a brief Q & A session to iron out any queries the guys may have had along the way, all in all a great session for this very warm and weary traveller.

Everyone congregated outside for a while in an attempt to cool down, awesome that after training you can stand around outside wearing only shorts, might try that when I get home.

Need food and sleep.

South Africa Day 3

Day 3, 9:00am, Durban

Today was our day off so we set off to do some sightseeing whilst trying not to look like a tourist.

KwaZulu Natal is said to be "South Africa's most African province" and has everything the country is known for; beaches, wildlife, the melting pot of cultures and, of course, crime. Also with this province are the famous battlegrounds of Isandlwana and Rourke's Drift (as seen in the movie Zulu), coming off an upset victory at Isandlwana where the Zulu masses obliterated 1200 British soldiers, between 3000 and 4000 Zulus (against the wishes of their King) were repeatedly repulsed for 12 hours by only 100 British veterans, many of them ill, protecting the field hospital restoring British "honour"

KwaZulu Natal's principal city, Durban reflects the melting pot culture perfectly , the European architecture alongside Zulu and Indian influences, Hindus being the second largest ethnic group in Durban (making it a great curry district). There are many fine (and not so fine) things to see in Durban; Francis Farewell Square, for example, is the site of the first white camp set up by British adventurers to trade with the natives even though these days it is populated by the down-and-outs. This is sadly echoed throughout the city, history being swamped by over population and general disregard.

Onto the beaches, the obvious choice is to head to Beachfront traditionally called The Golden Mile due to it's outstanding beaches, restaurants and entertainment (yes, even better than Blackpool's Golden Mile) although it is known as 'Muggers Mile' these days, as discovered by one of my friends as he was robbed at gun point when he stayed here. Where tourists are, criminals are. Who better than someone who doesn't really know the area, carries cash and has cameras & other cool stuff with them, you can't blame anyone for not suspecting some inoffensive little child but these kids are master pickpockets and bag snatchers.

Armed with this knowledge and packing nothing worth stealing, we go for a much needed walk on the beach. My friend, Jase, said I had to try a bacon and avocado burger from Steers whilst here, I spot a Steers too late as we had just literally eaten but consider bringing him one back. I doubted I would get it through customs so don't bother (it turns out I could have got it through after all)

Back to the car to continue our trip saw us taking a quick tour down Marine Parade which looked like a quaint old British seaside town but turns out to be just as dangerous as anywhere, no wonder people wander into these areas especially with the plentiful stalls supplying all your touristy souvenir needs (some may call it tack)

As it's starting to get dark we decide to leave the sea front all together to head home, stopping only for Haueter to get a photograph with a shotgun-toting security guard.

Another meal and another early night ensued.

South Africa Day 4

Day 4, Durban, 9:00am

Saturday arrived with a temperature of mid 80s so a beach session was the order of the day before the gruelling seminar in this heat. The locals were still telling me it wasn't a great beach day, they don't realise we would call this a heat wave. Having the benefit of local knowledge meant we avoided the main tourist (crime) areas and found the perfect beach spot for plenty of boogie boarding, swimming and sun. Again it was over too soon as we had to head to the gym, I had to keep reminding myself that the main purpose for the visit was to train.

Met a local fighter, and cool guy as it turned out, named Victor who gave me a lift to the gym. Got into a conversation about the fight game straightaway so made the journey more interesting and much quicker.

Arriving back at the Muscle And Fitness Gym, the heat was there already waiting for me, we had a quick introduction then straight into the warm up. I taught some sport specific movement drills which seemed really easy being so warm as was the stretching then Haueter took over for the first section which was to be controlling and escaping side control following on from his previous session, finishing with ½ guard retrieval which led nicely into my ½ guard section.

Again everything seemed to be well received as evidenced in the sparring as someone pulled Z guard on me (1/2 guard with shin across stomach). When I enquired how long they had been doing that, they said that they learned it that day. As a coach it is awesome when someone uses something against you that you have taught them.

We then split into 2 groups, I got to work with the Fight Team whilst Haueter took everyone else. We worked through some more continuous passing versus sweeping and submission drills where winner stays on. This is probably my most favourite of all the training drills.

I explained my philosophy on passing guard for mma; I personally feel that some people try to punch their way through the hole in their game or are even happy to sit in guard whereas if they put the time in to learn to pass properly it would open up a whole new world to them. When they can pass without striking then they can pass with striking. Just my opinion.

Finished with the rolling and another Q&A, again I really think these are worthwhile just to clarify a little (or large) detail that you might not have got right away.

I had a great time training with these guys, everyone was really cool and would have fit perfectly into my own gym. It is always a pleasure to train in that sort of atmosphere where there are no egos, everyone shares a joke and we all benefit from each other.

South Africa Day 5

Day 5, Durban, 3:00am

Yes, 3:00am!! Needed to be up early to set off on the long drive to Joburg, unable to get a flight in time for the seminar which was an important one so had to drive or rather Morne had to drive, I needed to try to sleep.

Being the seasoned traveller Haueter was asleep almost as soon as we left; the guy can sleep anywhere. He awoke just in time to see the most awesome African sunrise which kind of rejuvenates you as we pulled into the services for breakfast and his coffee fix. (Anyone who has ever been anywhere with Chris knows how important the 'proper' coffee is).

Being bright daylight from 6:30am onwards getting back to sleep was not an option so spent the rest of the journey taking in the countryside as we passed it by reinforcing what a truly beautiful country it is. Finally we hit Joburg about 10:00am and got to see the other side.

We got to temporary home and as the security gate rolled back I got the first glimpse of what Paradise must be like. The property was amazing; tennis courts, swimming pool, mini nature reserve and more, this was going to be an awesome few days.

After a more than generous traditional South African breakfast, Morne and Chris decided to catch up on their sleep whilst I went for a wander round, deciding that a swim would be the better option for waking me up as we were due to teach a big seminar at 1:00pm. I got warning from the locals that the pool temperature may be less than 20 degrees C therefore much too cold to go in. They can't believe that their average winter day is as good as our best summer day. So I am quite happily swimming around with everyone giving me the same look that British tourists get everywhere they go in the world that has weather better than ours, the disbelieving 'it's not even warm' look.

Afternoon approached so we headed to Oakdene to the Box Office Gym for another outrageously warm training session. Morne has sponsorship from Bad Boy to film the seminar and have it aired on national TV so this would be an important seminar to see if we ever get invited back ;0)

Chris started off the seminar with some clinch work, starting right back at the pummelling basics then building up to single and double leg takedowns followed by attacking the quarter position when they managed to sprawl.

He then disappeared to his usual Hollywood lifestyle of doing interviews and photo shoots while I got to take over the seminar. Starting off with taking the back then progressing to establishing correct over/under back control and eventually how to finish the RNC, we moved onto the arm bar from back control. I was guessing that not many of guys had trained that before because there was then a kind of feverish drilling associated with trying something new.

Finally I showed my favourite 3 ways to break the grip of someone defending having their arm locked out from the arm bar position, I like this bit as there is always pain involved with #3 – the biceps crush.

Haueter returned from his celebrity duties to complete the technical part of the seminar with further options of attacking the back. As always with Chris I picked up new details that I hadn't seen before, his approach is not always a 'typical' game and can be quite unorthodox but effective. When he is attacking your back he was constantly trying to kill my base so no movement was really possible; most other guys teach you to make space, get the hooks and go from there. Chris seems to give you so much pressure you almost put yourself in a bad position by being steered into the direction he wants you to go, all without realising it. You know to defend hooks so as you are spending your time doing that you are twisted and turned without mercy, knowing he can still get hooks any time he wants. Not a great description but you have to feel it to fully know what I mean.

The rolling part concluded the seminar as always and, as mentioned before, it is always gratifying to see people trying to implement in sparring techniques you had just taught that day rather than just going back to the ego fueled win at all costs, try nothing new mentality.

A brilliant session today even if I do say so myself, a room full of happy people and I thought I was starting to get used to the heat (man, would I be proved wrong tomorrow)

Now for food and what better way to finish off a great day than with the South African version of our humble barbeque called a "braai". The braai is central to the Afrikaans culture, being an abbreviation of the Afrikaans word "braaivleis" literally meaning meat grill.

After consuming my own body weight in delicious food, an early night was in order so retired back to our "rondavel" a circular building based on the traditional African hut complete with a thatched roof although to be honest I was so tired I would have risked the mosquito attacks and slept on the grass if I had to.

Awesome day all round!!